


Such Sweet Sorrow

by MerryDreaming



Series: Under the Myriad, a Place is Earned (Fire Emblem Heroes) [11]
Category: Fire Emblem Heroes
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Multi, Self-Hatred, Self-Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 11:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16263155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerryDreaming/pseuds/MerryDreaming
Summary: Some kiss/ship prompts from over on Tumblr struck my inspiration, so I decided to do some stuff with them.(this wound up becoming a one-shot, whoops.)





	Such Sweet Sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> So, hi! I haven't actually written much in a while, and I had the itch to do so, so here I am again!
> 
> Main fic is still on hiatus for the conceivable future; I honestly kinda got burned by Book 2's endgame, and I'm gonna try to write myself out of a rut and do all of the stuff I wanted to do and develop, though I make no promises on if I'll get back to it for a while. These will contain spoilers for a lot of the stuff I had in mind, but especially the first prompt, which basically spells out Aileen's circumstances explicitly. Just as a general heads up in case stuff doesn't make much sense right now!
> 
> As such, these are of dubious continuity, so take it with a grain of salt or two.

Being alone in her own head isn't how Aileen necessarily wanted to spend her time, but the infirmary offered her scant few options. It wasn't as if she had a choice of whether she could leave or not; not after the wound she had sustained, in her reckless attempt at saving someone she could never admit that she loved. Not now, knowing her true state and just how everything had worked out for her.

All of the various thoughts rattling around her head as everything came together in the most disgusting of ways. The dark cellar, the faint light that greeted her face in every dream, her state upon arrival to Askr, even her state with Gunnthrá in that so-called dream--all of it whirled around in her mind and threatened to make her sick the more she thought about it. Aileen couldn't even toss and turn in the makeshift bed that they held her in to try and bring her mind to something else, the thoughts playing over and over--

( _"You idiot. Don't you get it?"_

_She'd awoken in Tellius again, outside of that house--Gunnthrá hadn't been there to encourage her away this time. The woman that stood before Aileen was one she had stiffed in the presence of; long, raven hair framing her delicate looking face, looking as if she hadn't aged a day since Aileen left. Such a delicate looking face was at odds with the utterly icey expression that she received from her, and her wings were flared in what one might thing was a threatening gesture. Aileen could only look up at her in confusion, clearly ill at ease with the entire situation as she stammered her way through it._

_"No. It's...what...Sorcha, what's going...?"_

_Sorcha's head tips to the hole near the building, one that light easily poured into. Her expression didn't leave a register of sheer ice, though malice had entered it as well. As if she were waiting for this moment her entire time there. "Take a good look. You can't deny what you see in there; what **he** did."_

_And Aileen, like an idiot, hadn't questioned Sorcha when she looked. It took only a moment for Aileen's vision to adjust, to see what Gunnthrá had tried to protect her from._ _Aileen wasn't sure when she started to scream, horror and revulsion consuming her in waves, but..._

_She's pretty sure she could have lived, ironically enough, without the sight of her own dead, decrepit body staring up at her_ _._ )

\--like some sort of hideous instrument that only knows how to play one song, it plays. That moment, repeating endlessly as the laguz clutched her head. Aileen wasn't one for shows of emotion, which had been all too clear when she had woken in a makeshift medical tent in the middle of Muspell, expression so confused that it shocked those in the tent. Breidablik had glown bright in Anna's hands in those moments, putting the pieces of the puzzle together for even more ruminating fun. To the Order's credit, nobody had pried into her business; be it out of respect for the likely delicate subject, or simply biding their time before they asked, they really just left her to her own devices while they awaited her recovery and planned their next move. Her explicit orders were to rest until it was a complete certainty that she had healed, but all it did was make her feel useless despite being revived for the second time.

An aggravated sigh leaves Aileen as she rubs at her face, but a slight knock on the door manages to get her out of her own mind. Part of her is relieved; maybe one of the clerics will finally give her a clean bill of health to go back out. She'll never have to acknowledge that again, and she can go on with her life. (Or what's left of it, as it stands.)

As the door opens, Aileen doesn't see anyone she was expecting to see. The man is all too obvious to the eye, and one Aileen most dreads the idea of speaking with.

Saias was the man she had willingly taken a sword to the gut for, after all. Aileen watches the cleric rush away, and it leaves the two of them alone in the room. His expression is strained; it's one of the little things Aileen had begun to notice about him, that his genuine smiles and his strained expressions were very different things, despite how they appeared to others. The smile she's staring at is hiding something, and she almost doesn't want to know what it is.

"...Hello, Aileen. How are you faring?"

It's a simple question, but it feels entirely loaded. Aileen finds her head shifting away, doing anything possible to not have to look at him.

"...Alright. Physically fine, just...waiting on healers." It's honest, though she wishes she had a better ability to lie in the face of this. It gets a response that Aileen can at least hear, a bit of a hum filling the room as Saias seems to walk a bit.

"The wound you sustained was harrowing; I would not be surprised if they wanted to make sure it wouldn't open again." His voice sounds closer, but she refuses to look, because gods forbid she looks up and sees that strained smile crack into anger, or worse, her own reactions get the best of her. She feels heat rising to her cheeks already, and her stomach feels like it's at sea; it's all agony. "...What of the state of your head?"

"...Uninjured...?" Aileen avoided the question a bit, earning something of an aggravated sigh from Saias.

"Mentally, Aileen." Saias's voice sounds...odd. Is it pleading...? "If you aren't well, then--"

"Fine. Just...all fine." Aileen's answer is quick, guarded. "Don't gotta worry."

Another of those aggravated sighs escapes the bishop, patience clearly being tested. "Please, you do not need to lie--"

That gets Aileen's head to snap up, looking at Saias with a very firmly deadpan expression; he's already rubbing his temples and likely praying to Lord Bragi for the sanity to deal with all of this. It's liable to be tested even further with Aileen's answer. "Nothing to worry about."

That causes him to stop rubbing at his temples, the strained smile disappearing almost entirely and replaced by a very firmly tired look. "I'm asking you to be honest with me. Please, Aileen."

"Already being honest!" Aileen's tone gains fire to it, the words practically spat out. "Just--accept it, okay?!"

" _Please_ \--" Saias' tone seems almost explicitly pleading, at this point, and Aileen's taken aback by just how shaky he looks. He does what he can to breathe, to try to calm himself down before he makes a scene. "Please. I offer my apologies if I am being too forward, but I..."

He doesn't seem to be able to find the words he needs in time, because Aileen interjects all too easily. " _Just go_." The two words are almost all she needs to say, despite feeling almost as bad as she did when that blade ran her through--it doesn't make her sickening feelings go down, and Aileen feels herself starting to shake. "Can't...can't _deal_ with this. Not now. Just..."

"...Answer me one question, before I am to go. Please?" Saias' calm is so utterly strained as he tries to keep his composure. He's so out of his element in such a circumstance, and she can't even begin to imagine the thoughts going through his mind. Aileen can't even begin to will down her own shaking, crossing her arms and averting her gaze with an annoyed expression. She shouldn't be humoring this. She should just tell him to go, just to leave, because it'll be easier for them both in the end--

"Get one. Make it count."

Aileen regrets her words as soon as she speaks them. It takes a few seconds for the regret to kick in, but the question Saias gives her is about the last thing she wants to genuinely answer.

"Why did you save my life?"

The question is calm, if nothing else. His expression attempts to force itself back to normal in the process, as if preparing.

Aileen feels herself flinch at the question, looking to Saias with some mix of agony and disgust. " _Why_?"

"You said that I would get one question, did you not?"

"Well...yeah, but..." Aileen feels her face heat, and her gaze cast downward. She hates the idea of answering that question, because her mind's tied in arguably more knots than her stomach. She could lie and give him something simple, sure, but all that would do is hurt him in the long run, wouldn't it? She could stand the damage to herself, despite all evidence to the contrary, or perhaps lie to herself and pretend she's fine.

Saias doesn't seem to be having that, though, and while silence hangs in the room, he's looking right at her. His expression is utterly torn, and with each passing moment, he's losing his composure. That unearthly calm is what got Aileen so attached and attracted in the first place, along with the fact that they could stand almost as equals on the battlefield. He'd always be superior to her, but to stand beside him was enough. It should have been enough.

"...Can't. Just...can't."

It's not a good answer, and Aileen makes the mistake of looking at Saias and seeing him seize. His face tightens, a flash of what looks like anger and desperation, his whole body seizing as he forces himself to try to calm. He's absolutely angry--it's not something that Aileen has ever seen before, not when the man does everything in his power to keep himself in control at all times. He's always the calm, gentle, if stern voice giving orders to the others; it's as if he's never allowed himself to express anger in any fashion, and it's clear that he's not sure how to process it all. She sees his hands thread themselves into his hair, looking toward the ground and looking like he's about to tear it all out.

"Why can't you answer me?"

It's heartbreaking to see him so distraught, and Aileen finds herself wanting to pull her wings in to shield herself from all of this. To forget this was ever happening, really, because that'd be so much easier. But unfortunately, love is a double edged sword; Aileen really can't stand to see Saias in such a state, and it results in her speaking up.

"What if...what if it was bad? The answer." It's a vague way of answering that much, and Saias practically snaps up and looks at her, his eyes surprisingly ablaze for such a gentle man.

"Is it my bloodline?" The answer seems cold. Forced, almost. "Is that it? Is that _all_ it is?"

"Wh-- _what_?" Aileen seems almost offended by the answer, but before she can elaborate, Saias speaks up.

"So many people...so many have already died to keep the 'Descendant of Fjalar' alive. You don't think that I _know_ that such a thing makes it impossible for me to live, where I hail?" Aileen feels her expression start to fall, openly slackening. Saias' own, however, is almost openly furious, and perhaps almost _betrayed_. "I accept such purpose with ease! I've little problem fulfilling such a purpose, should it come down to that. But if that's all I'm seen as--if that's--"

"Saias!"

Aileen's very sudden interjection gets Saias to look at her, his expression not backing down but his words stopping. It takes a moment for her to even consider speaking, trying to think and feeling something prick at her eyes. Her whole body feels tense, and she doesn't know what's going on but she doesn't like that. "Not it. Not it _at all_. You're _you_. Not that blood. Just...just..."

Aileen can't even force herself to look up again, but she doesn't feel a piercing glare on her once her words trail off. She can't afford to spit it out, and it's killing her to try. She hears his steps move closer, and hears a small gasp coming from him in the process. It results in him coming even closer to her, and even when she looks down, she can see how soft his look has gotten in the process. If only for a bit, as she feels her eyes cloud and her posture tighten and a sudden desires to disappear entirely--

"...Aileen..." She hears how soft his voice has gotten, how gentle it is, and she hates it so much. "Are you crying?"

Aileen seizes a bit at that, a hand going up to touch her cheek and coming back damp. She doesn't give him a verbal answer, just trying to rub at her eyes furiously to will it down.

"Take a moment to breathe." Saias voice is very calm, and his gesture is tentative as he reaches to gently move down her arm so it's away from her face. It sees her tensing up, though finds herself all too easily giving in to the gesture and letting her arm down. Her cheeks are burning, and her eyes feel almost as bad; Aileen hasn't cried since she was a small child, and she had thought she'd outgrown it after her father discouraged her so heavily. She doesn't know what to say, really, and she looks at Saias with a surprisingly open expression.

"...Done so much for the Order. And personally. Know that, right?"

"I do, yes." She watches his expression never leave her, and his hand hasn't left her arm either. She doesn't make to remove it from her.

"Just...makes it easy. To...to..." Gods, this is unbearable. How does she even say this properly... "Don't...know how to say this. Really hard to say, and really risky? Because it's...two of us are different, and..."

Say what one will about the bishop, but he wasn't dumb. Or at least, wasn't as dumb as the raven laguz in front of him, because it finally seems to dawn on him when she brings up that risk. He doesn't look thrown--or if he does, he hides it extremely well. Even so, his expression doesn't leave that gentleness, and he doesn't make to move either which way. "...I believe I may understand what you are saying."

"...Yeah?" Aileen looks up, almost defeated looking.

"Yes." Saias doesn't try to discourage her any, though his expression borders on unreadable despite it's gentleness. It results in Aileen taking a moment to try and secure herself a bit, breathing to calm down before looking to him.

"...Could...uh..." Aileen's words die a bit in her throat, though she forces herself to carry on. "Comfortable with...staying still? For a pair of seconds?"

Saias seems to consider that for a moment, before he nods his head toward her. "I am. I will let you know if I am uncomfortable."

She's kind of glad that he gets where she's going with this. It makes matters easier, as she gently leans in and presses a kiss against his cheek. It's a very soft gesture, and when she withdraws, she sees him touch his cheek with his eyes closed and a small smile on his face. There's a dusting of blush across his cheeks as well, and perhaps adorably, his skin pigment means that such a light dusting comes across very brightly on his skin. It's adorable, honestly, and the smile on her face is soft in it's own right.

"...You're infatuated, then." Saias says that much calmly when his eyes open again, staring at Aileen. She seems to almost tilt her head in confusion at it, before he speaks up again. "I quite realize that it likely feels quite extreme to you, but...please do not misunderstand me when I say this. What I know of love is that it is a complicated process; it's more than simply treating each other to niceties and the like. One cannot love someone without seeing all sides to them, and of you...I have seen but a few, I feel."

Saias words don't seem to damper Aileen much, at all; in a way, she expected that much, if not a flat out rejection. It's when she tries to speak up and he quiets her with a finger to her lips, and _that_ gets some shock from her. "Never the less, one...does not simply learn to love by reading and observing. And what I've said is far from implying that I am not fond of you, as well; you are quite earnest, in all that you do, and it's...well, quite cute." His words are slightly affectionate, and he even seems to look away just a bit. It's not something she expected to say the least, and it sees her eyes well up again. "Be that as it may...while we may not be _evenly_ fond of one another? I would be happy to see more shades of who you are. If perhaps to see if we would be able to lead lives alongside one another."

Considering that Aileen nods her head very enthusiastically in response, Saias...well, he isn't quite sure if she understands the implications, but at the very least, she seems willing to try. Ever the earnest one, even in new circumstances. He knows she's not the best with words, so perhaps actions are her way that she'll try to show it. It would be undoubtedly her style, if nothing else.

Saias watches a small tear gently roll down Aileen's cheek, before he gently returns the kiss she gave him. Her face brightens, and somehow? He thinks it'll work out for the best.


End file.
